Category Archives: God

03/23/17

In Which I Climb Down Entirely From the Fence

dreams about yogis

I seem to be on a very definite path lately. It is a path that is pointing me away from all of the other religions and belief systems that I have enjoyed exploring whilst on my truth journey. It started two weeks before Sage left when my extraordinarily intuitive Holy-Spirit guided friend Meg sent me a video that pointed out how some of the esoteric things in the New Age were Luciferian, and I saw the selfishness and deception embedded in some of my own spiritual seeking and was alarmed. That night, I experienced demonic interference in my dreams, which only confirmed what I had suspected. I threw out every esoteric book in the house, and the next morning, not knowing any of this, my son Sage told me that he had lied about all of his spiritual dreams and visions. That he had liked the attention. He would tell me all sorts of fantastical things that he saw in the spirit realm, and I had believed him! This went on for six years! What he told me very definitely influenced my own belief system. So all sorts of things started coming to light. I felt that via my son, I had been guided down a path away from Jesus and real truth by a darkness that was working through him. Whether or not it was all truly a lie, I will probably never know, but I am quite sure that I have been misdirected.

The truth can be a bit difficult to get at, and there are always imposters willing to lead you away with their mixture of 95 percent truth and 5 percent lethal lie.

Enter the dreams. I love them. I am guided by dreams and impressions from God, and am much the better for it. For example, last week I was very sick with allergies, muscle and joint pain. It hurt to move for days. When I was lying in bed one night about to pray, I got this visual image of myself drinking lots and lots of water. I also felt a strong impression to stop drinking diet drinks and tea all day long. So the next day, I drank lots of water all day long. The day after as well. In just two days, all of the pain and most of the allergies were gone! Amazing! I know if I had went to the doctor with that list of symptoms, they probably would have handed me a couple of prescriptions and been a bit puzzled as to the cause of it all. So I value this sort of guidance very much.

My nights have been lit up with a number of dreams that are so very real and rich with symbols that I know I am supposed to pay attention to. Last night, I dreamed that I was at a party and saw a gorgeous prince. I was instantly enamored, and flattered when he began flirting with me. Soon, he told his mother to give me the engagement ring that he had been saving for his bride, and she put it on my finger while the family announced our engagement to the party. I had never been asked, but I was so swept away with it all that I didn’t say anything. Then we were alone in an intimate moment, and a diagram of the seven chakras was all lit up around me with all of the colors. Later that evening, he informed me that I would be doing exactly as he said in our marriage, and made it apparent that he would be controlling my every move. Upon hearing that, I got away from him…FAST!

Then I woke up because someone was pounding on the door at 3:30 in the morning. These weird things have a way of happening when I am supposed to remember a significant dream. It took me a couple of hours to fall back asleep, and then I began dreaming along those lines again.

This time, I dreamed that I was having an interaction with a yogi who ran some sort of shop. He gave everyone a paper with a poem to read, only it was backwards. I was able to see it in the correct orientation, and he was very disturbed that I could do so, as his intent had been to deceive. Then I dreamed that I was telling the story of the dream of the prince to others, and well, here I am doing that. That prince — marriage to his sort is not what I want! I am a bride of Christ, who offers the opposite of the prince — total and complete freedom.

I had had another dream about two weeks ago of being in a dark cave with a yogi who was grabbing my breasts. I looked up to escape, and saw a hole with brilliant light shining through. I was unable to get through it though — there was too much of me!

The Hindu/Yogi dreams are due to my having become utterly fascinated with Hinduism and yogis. The reason for this is that some yogis seem to manifest more Christlike behavior than we see here from most Christians. So I started reading a lot of books by them and was enthralled by the wisdom. Some things didn’t sit right with me, though. I believe in surrendering to God, not a guru with human faults. And I know we are not supposed to hide our lights by meditating 24/7. But things like yogic superpowers (kriyas) fascinated a woman who is determined that people should actually be able to go heal people as Jesus commanded. I also believe that the “getting rid of self” aspect of yoga is right on. However, these three dreams were a warning to get off that path entirely — an answer to prayer, since I am always praying to be guided to stay on the narrow path.

I’ve had a few dreams about witchcraft as well. I used to be into Wicca in my twenties, and left off that after so much darkness began to break through into my everyday life that I slammed that door firmly shut and didn’t have anything to do with spirituality in any form for many years after that. In the latest witchcraft dream, I was wondering if the Christian “word of knowledge” was the same as having psychic powers. (For those who don’t know, a “word of knowledge” is when you get an impression about someone that is true that you wouldn’t ordinarily know. I get it occasionally, and it has helped me to avoid some awkward and untoward situations.) In my dream, a witch friend said, “I’ll show you,” and put her hands on me and transmitted energy to me. When that happened, my mind was filled with black and white static patterns like you’d see on old televisions that weren’t receiving properly.

And then there was the Abraham/Law of Attraction dream. That one showed the Abraham-Hicks person impersonating Christ in his resurrection and having her followers take communion. When I put the bread in my mouth, I was instantly swirled down into a dark abyss. I spit it out and woke up. (I wrote about that dream in this blog post.)

Islam has also been in my dreams. In one of them, I was in a Middle Eastern desert, and there was NO water. A prostitute was able to get a few drops out of a faucet, and that was only because she knew how to love. All of the religious people in the dream were without a drop. In that particular dream, I was also shown a Christian church. In that church, there was a huge waterfall, but sadly, only a few streams of water were trickling down what had once been a conduit for a very powerful flow. Of course, water represents spiritual life.

The dreams show me that all roads point to Christ. Yet even so, it is not simple. I have been directed by a dream to not attend a particular church. And most churches leave me cold, to be honest. I’m not interested in playing religion — not even a little bit. But I am not worried, because I don’t feel alone at all! I’m so thankful for the guidance.

03/9/17

You’ve Already Been Given a Mansion — Will You Believe it and Move in?

Disclaimer: This post has NOTHING to do with politics.

Last night I dreamed that President Trump was my father-in-law and was coming to visit. I frantically tried to fix up our little shack of a house that we bought to be our office. I went to the store, only 10 minutes before closing time, and was frantically buying a bed, a side table, curtains, etc. When I got home with the goods, I realized it was pointless to set all of that stuff up because we hadn’t even laid the floor yet!

But he never came. What he did was send us a plane ticket to New York. Once we were there, Ivana informed me that he had given us their luxury high-rise apartment — just flat out given it to us. I was in such a state of overwhelm that I started crying. She seemed puzzled that I would be surprised by this. After all, he was my husband’s father — of course he would want to take care of us in style! Nothing was required of us. All we had to do was accept the gift.

The next thing I was doing was opening all the windows and looking out at the beautiful view. I wanted to take photos for Facebook and Instagram to let everyone know what I had been given. At one point, I left the building and was stopped by the receptionist when I reentered. I thought, “Oh no, she knows I am an imposter!” but all she wanted to let me know was that I was invited to a family meeting.

Barron was there. He reminds me so much of Sage with his looks of sensory overwhelm. Demons were harrassing him, but I sang and many of them left. Even though he saw himself as a dark person (due to the demonic influence), he still lived in the mansion, and was taken care of. He was a child of his father. This part of the dream is unimaginably comforting to me, as I believe it is God’s way of saying that Sage is in His hands and is His child no matter who he currently thinks he is. Demons like to harrass the Father’s children, unfortunately.

Why Trump? In the parables of Jesus, so often the “King” was used to represent God. Trump, for all practical purposes, is the current king, and makes sense for this story, especially since he owns a mansion way up high and has a son who reminds me of my own. 🙂

So there is this mansion. Our Father has given it to us. It is so hard to believe that he would give us a gift of such majesty that we continue to try to fix up our shacks, trying to make ourselves acceptable to Him. But he already loves us so much. Once we realize that, we will sell all of our little shacks and move into the treasure that we have found.

06/11/14

What Are We Swimming in — Polluted Water or Living Water?

God's cleansing waterI had this dream over a week ago, and I had to let it percolate for a while to let its meaning sink in. I had fallen asleep after reading a passage in Luke about the kingdom of God and asking God to help me understand it. Much confusion has arisen because of this passage, and no wonder. It is not a piece of cake to understand at first glance, that is for sure!

Then He said to the disciples, “The days will come when you will desire to see one of the days of the Son of Man, and you will not see it. And they will say to you, ‘Look here!’ or ‘Look there! Do not go after them or follow them. For as the lightning that flashes out of one part under heaven shines to the other part under heaven, so also the Son of Man will be in His day. But first He must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation. And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed.

“In that day, he who is on the housetop, and his goods are in the house, let him not come down to take them away. And likewise the one who is in the field, let him not turn back. Remember Lot’s wife. Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. I tell you, in that night there will be two men in one bed: the one will be taken and the other will be left. Two women will be grinding together: the one will be taken and the other left. Two men will be in the field: the one will be taken and the other left.”

And they answered and said to Him, “Where, Lord?”

So He said to them, “Wherever the body is, there the eagles will be gathered together.”

So at 4:44, I woke up to the sound of my cats fighting. Biddlesworth and Gordon regularly fight right before bed, but they’ve usually settled down by the middle of the night. When I woke up, this intense dream had just ended and was fresh in my mind.

In my dream, I was at the beach. People at the beach started getting sick, mainly with cramps in their legs. I thought they were just out of shape, but then I got a cramp as well. The next morning, I started talking to a friend about how perhaps there were chemicals in the water from surrounding manufacturing plants. We walked down to the beach, and floating in the water was a large test strip in a long vial that showed that the water had dangerous levels of several harmful elements.

I thanked God for sending us the capsule and we went to find the company whose name was on the top of the vial. We didn’t get very far. In the first building we passed through, some controlling administrator-type people took the vial from us and hid it in the plumbing of the bathroom. We managed to get it back somehow, though, and ended up taking it to the city manager, who oversaw the lifeguards whose job it was to protect the people swimming in the water.

The lifeguards were simply appalled. The test results showed that the water had been polluted for some time, and they hadn’t known to warn the people. They quickly painted signs with the color red to warn people that the water was polluted. All the while, the evil folks from the prior building were working to destroy the vial and somehow obscure the truth, continuing to lie to the people about the poison in the water.

Eventually, everything turned out pretty much okay, with a plan being set up to regularly monitor the water. Or so it seemed. Then the dream switched into some drama about the lifeguards trying to get out of the building on time. They were running down flights of stairs with piles of clothing, TVs and other things that merely slowed their progress, endangering their lives. Something intense was about to happen in that building, and destruction was near.

Once they were at the bottom, everyone started to relax. We went into a room that had at least 40 huge water mains that needed to be turned on. It was time to turn on this fresh water and let it flow. The amount of fresh water that would flow through this building was enormous. However, the motor that would pump the water out was temporarily malfunctioning. One girl (a lifeguard?) became impatient and went ahead and left the building, even though if the pump started working, she’d be washed away.

Finally, the pump started up, and water started to flow, faster and faster, more and more. The girl began to run. Her flight was slow because of a little dog she had with her that was holding her back. She kept pausing to wait for it, even though the water was coming. When the water finally came in all its power, it was terrible. It knocked down trees like matchsticks and swept them, cars and other debris down the street. It collapsed the hill the girl had run screaming down and she surely died. There was a lot of chaos as everything was swept away. This is when I woke up.

After giving it some thought, it seems that the water coming from the building with the lifeguards is God’s cleansing water. It washes away poison and cleans away the crap in our lives — and culture, if we — the lifeguards — turn it on. And the Church — people who love God — has perhaps been remiss in maintaining the engine that allows God’s love to flow through us. Once you decide to turn it on, there is no turning back. It will transform your life and sweep away the old you. You can’t hang on to your attachments. It will transform the lives of others.

I think this is what Jesus may mean by his words above about the Kingdom of God. These words have been interpreted to mean that some people will vanish into thin air when Jesus comes down out of the sky. While anything at all is possible, I don’t think this is correct. Jesus — the Christ-consciousness of truth, love and peace — can come into our lives like lightening at any moment. When it does, your self will die and be carted away to the garbage even though a person right next to you is perfectly happy living their old life. Meanwhile, you find yourself living in God’s Kingdom — here on earth in that other dimension that is accessible through love and God’s grace.

When Christ is revealed to us, all the eating, drinking, buying, selling, etc. becomes less important. It is “destroyed” by the light of His revelation that what is important is God’s true light — this world is but an illusion.

I have such a desire to see people recognize the poison in this world. We are having public shootings on almost a daily basis, and if that is not one barometer of a poisoned society, I don’t know what is. I pray that God’s cleansing water come enter the life of all and wash away what is not true.

If you are reading this and you do not identify as Christian, please don’t be offended. I believe God’s Kingdom is available to all, regardless of creed. Christ’s consciousness is for all who seek the light of God and Truth, even when it is called something else.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

06/8/14

The Two Words of the Bible You MUST Believe

God is our fatherI’m not going to mince words here — this is ridiculously simple. Jesus gives us the key to recognizing not only who WE are, but who OTHERS are as well in the Lord’s Prayer. Without further ado, the two words that will transform your world are…

OUR FATHER.

When you believe this — and I don’t mean intellectually, but from your HEART — that the supreme creator of the universe is your genetic FATHER… Well, then.

You are a SON or DAUGHTER of God. Period.

Not only that, but everyone else is ALSO a son or daughter of God.

Whoa.

So how would that change how we treat ourselves and others (love our neighbor as ourselves)? I have to say, if we aren’t treating EVERY SINGLE PERSON in our lives with love borne of the recognition that we are borne of love itself and are interacting with the sons and daughters of love, then we don’t really get it. Not yet.

It can be difficult to understand. Our culture puts up blinders that obscure reality. We’re told that we are evil, and indeed, there are impulses that we must fight that certainly are. But who we are at the core? Sons and daughters.

Not servants, not slaves, not sinners. Sons and daughters.

If you truly believe in your heart that you are a genuine SON or DAUGHTER of the Most High, then you will love yourself. You will be free to express your true self, the opinions of others be damned.

You will find it impossible to judge. After all, some of the other sons and daughters might not have seen their birth certificate yet, but that doesn’t change who they ARE. Our only role is to shine the light for our literal brothers and sisters so that they know their true identity. And how better to do this than by treating them as sons and daughters of the most amazing royalty?

Do we treat everyone in our lives as the royalty that they are?

If not, why not? Could it be that we haven’t truly internalized the truth of our lineage?

06/7/14

My Rock in the Storm

Jesus is my rock Last night I dreamed that I traveled to a far away island. There were a chain of islands, and a boat dropped me off at the most distant one. There was only one other person on the island, a man. I don’t know who he was, but he had an appealing assurance about him.

The island was very small and had no shelter of any kind. This was potentially a problem, since there were often severe storms and tornadoes that would appear. I told the driver of the boat that I wasn’t worried about it, and he drove off, leaving me there.

The man showed me a rocky ledge that I could climb up onto when the storms hit. And sure enough, soon a very strong storm arrived. I climbed up onto the ledge. Clinging to it, I watched the storm. There were buckets of rain pouring out of the sky and strong winds. I got a bit wet, as a few of the drops hit me, but I was protected from the majority of the rain.

Looking at the storm, I found that I was able to see through it. On the other side was the most gorgeous sunrise. I knew what awaited once the storm passed — peace and beauty.

I love how I stood on the ROCK during the storm. That’s exactly what I do in my waking life. Knowing how much God loves me definitely protects me from a lot of the fallout from the storms in my life, which have been numerous lately. This dream comforted me.

Before I had went to bed, I had asked God a question — something that I have been doing more and more often lately. I asked him how I could help my husband to not suffer from the fibro-type thing he has been struggling with.

As my dream continued, the answer to my question was revealed. My husband picked me up from the island in a fairly big boat. We cruised through the water, and I was filled with joy. Soon, however, I noticed that the boat was leaky and had about two feet of standing water in it. My husband was fine with it, but I told him, “We can do better than this.”

Then we were on an ocean liner. My hubby was the captain of the ship. The ship, which was in perfect condition, ran on lettuce. When we stopped at a port, I’d run into the store to buy some more fuel — spinach, carrots. On this fuel, the ship traveled all the way around South America.

When I woke up, I realized that I can fuel up my husband with lots of veggies and he’ll likely experience some relief from his symptoms. 😀

I love writing these dreams down. I want to remember them, and I want any interested parties to know that God is present and available. Ask and you shall receive.

06/4/14

WARNING: Disturbing Content Ahead

Art by Caia Matheson.

Art by Caia Matheson.

This post carries the title it does because some of these thoughts have sent me into anxiety attacks in the past. It can be very frightening to question your reality.

As usual, most of my thoughts here come from my dreams.

Last night, I met a powerful religious leader. He had set up a communal society that looked like freedom from the outside. Inside, however, it was very repressive and dark. He had a forceful personality that was able to pretty much control the minds of whomever he came into contact with. People believed that their roof was supposed to leak because he said it should, for example. It made me think of how we say, “God meant for that (bad thing) to happen,” because a preacher has told us that’s the way the world works.

A woman was crucified on the side of a cliff by this man. Her bloody wings of flesh spread out in gruesome magnificence as she hung there. Religion does indeed crucify women, does it not? The people who participated in this crucifixion did not know they were doing wrong. They were following the religious leader.

They say that Jesus died for our sins. I think I have an inkling of what this means. Jesus was crucified by religion and other world power (government). He allowed it, I believe, so that we might see that religion and other world power is DEATH. To participate in those powers is to sin — ie. participate in something that brings death rather than love.

Not that love can’t be an outcome of someone who is participating in religion. It’s obvious that religion, to a point, can steer people to love, and that there are many loving people who practice religion. But at the point where religion becomes a hollow structure of mind control, well, that’s where the evil starts. And when you are the one leading people into mind-chains, well, woe unto you, right?

It’s okay to question things, even things you’ve been told about God since you were a child. I think God WANTS us to question. In fact, when we ask questions, He ANSWERS them! 😀

I also dreamed of worlds within worlds. When I woke up, I Googled, “world within worlds,” and found this article about theosophy. A lot of what I read rang true. I had already been imagining something very similar. This was like confirmation that my hunch could actually be true.

The thing is, matter vibrates at different frequencies. So you can have matter vibrating at a high frequency that you can’t see around you and matter that is vibrating at a low frequency that you can’t see around you as well. The article describes our visible world as an “octave on an endless scale.” So it’s possible that there are entities going about their daily lives in the same physical space we are in — we just can’t perceive them.

Unless you are born with superpowers, that is.

My sons have superpowers, as do many other people who have been labeled intuitive, psychic or schizophrenic. If this theory is true, they were born with senses that can perceive matter vibrating at frequencies that elude most other people.

It’s kinda scary to think of all this, and really cool at the same time.

I’m also starting to realize just how involved God is in my everyday life. I’m perceiving him in my reality more and more, and I simply love it. I asked him a question about some things Jesus said about the Kingdom of God the other night, and that very night he gave me a dream and woke me up at 4:44 right in the thick of it so I would remember His answer!

This is the type of thing that makes life truly joyful. It is the treasure in the field that makes you not care about owning anything else but that treasure.

05/29/14

MORE Good News

joy of the lordI’ve said before that I don’t think the Good News that Jesus talks about has anything to do with accepting a particular story about his life or you go to hell. That seems silly, to be honest, and not a little depressing. I think the REAL Good News that he wanted us to share is at least two-fold, and has little, if anything, to do with what religion often tells us.

First of all, the Good News is that God is LOVE. He loves us incredibly and enormously. Unconditionally. We don’t have to earn it — only see and accept it. And that’s more difficult than it seems. The dream I had about God’s transformative love literally changed my life, and I try to keep its truth in mind every single day. Once you can accept God’s love, its enemy FEAR goes away. Because if God loves you — wait, if GOD THE CREATOR OF THE FREAKIN’ UNIVERSE LOVES YOU — then you have absolutely NOTHING to fear. Nothing. Not even death. Death, in the light of God’s love, is like changing from a raggity outfit you bought at the Goodwill into some Armani duds, I’d think.

The second part of the Good News is that we don’t have to wait for Jesus to come or any other future event to access the Kingdom of God. Nope, as Jesus said, it is HERE. Now.

Think of it as another dimension that sits comfortably around us. To access this dimension, you have to have a certain frequency — the frequency of love. That is a very high frequency. In the worldly dimension that most of us are currently in (the time-based linear frequency), we are operating at a much lower frequency — the frequency of fear. Hence, war, hate and all that other bad stuff.

You can access the Kingdom by deliberately raising your frequency — your vibe. 😀

Let me give you an example.

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely joyful. Note that I have some good reasons to feel the opposite way right now. A good friend is angry with me and much worse, my mother came over to my house crying because she is fairly convinced that my older son Sky has “passed to the other side.” She had a dream in which he came up to her and spoke to her, woke up crying and has been crying on and off ever since. You know that I think dreams can reveal truths, and this dream was SO real to her. When I called the sweet lady he stays with to check on him, she told me that he took off over a week ago without saying goodbye or letting anyone know where he was going. Disconcerting.

As soon as I heard this news, lower-dimensional thoughts began to come. Vivid images of myself cutting my wrists, shooting myself in the head came to mind. Regretful thoughts about my parenting entered. For a moment, I thought about simply walking out the door, sticking out my thumb and going somewhere — anywhere but here, as if I could escape grief.

Then I remembered that I didn’t have to subject myself to these thoughts and the feelings that accompany them. I reminded myself that my son was very happy and well in my mom’s dream. I reminded myself that God loves my son more than I ever will. I thought about how my son astral travels on a regular basis and could have simply stopped in to say hello, which is what his friend told me is likely the case. I thought about how God has him in His amazing hands no matter what form his soul is in. Then I focused my thoughts back on my new business, which is where they had been before the drama started. And I ended up having a very good and productive day.

Not giving into fear and despair is stepping into the Kingdom. It feels spectacular.

Here’s a quote from the apostle Paul:

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ…

The war is our thoughts. And just like the Third Amendment says that we don’t have to quarter soldiers in our homes, nor do we have to give space to thoughts that war against the knowledge of Christ’s presence in our lives RIGHT NOW. For me, following Jesus gives me the insight and direction to wage an intelligent war against this crap.

So when I catch myself thinking an ugly thought about the argument my friend and I had, or worrying about Sky, I DESTROY it. It’s my choice, and I have been given the power to do so. And then I get to feel that comfortable heavenly dimension settle around my soul. It’s wonderful.

The joy of the Lord is our strength. 🙂

04/28/14

Heresy

I’m really glad I don’t live in the 16th century. Or even a hundred years ago. If I did, I certainly wouldn’t be able to share my thoughts as I am now — at least not without getting burned at some stake. Here’s why.

I’ve been asking God to reveal the truth to me about Jesus. Who He is. How things work.

Last night, I had a dream that was very disturbing.

In the dream, I lived in dorm with a bunch of other girls. Everyone was happy and well-cared for. It came time for me to get my hair dyed. The tradition was that the girl’s father would take care of this matter for her.

To have my hair dyed, I had to stand underneath an platform while an innocent child’s blood dripped on me. I was appalled. I thought, “How could the child’s mother have made this deal with my father to allow her child to be killed for me?” I was enraged. I stepped out from underneath the platform and went back to the dorm.

I was ratty-looking and uncared for. The other girls all had gorgeous hair and were happy and enjoying life. I was miserable because of my unbelievably cruel father.

I returned to the platform. There was the boy who had been sacrificed on my behalf. He was lying there, almost dead. Next to him was an almost identical boy. Whenever I tried to ask the hurt boy what had happened to him, the other boy would answer, “They hurt me,” and go into details of the torture as if it were his own. He seemed spaced out, brainwashed.

Again, I was appalled at the cruelty of the boy’s father. Not only did he intend to kill the boy, but he was using the boy as a whipping boy for the son he truly loved. And even that love seemed twisted, as that boy was not a shining example of happiness and mental health.

An odd element of this dream was that on the platform next to the child who was being sacrificed was a big pile of bacon.

So here’s what I think it all means:

First of all, I think the bacon symbolizes something unholy. While lamb was an acceptable sacrifice back in the day, pig was most definitely not. It would have profaned the alter. So whatever was happening there was unholy. On the surface, this seems obvious, like DUH — of course a father torturing his son for someone else is an awful thing to do!

I think the whipping boy is Jesus. I think the father is a false idea of God. And the boy who was spaced out is the brainwashed person who thinks that God would torture his son on his behalf. And me, well, this dream was a pretty good representation of my spirit’s grief at considering the idea that I might have such a father.

I mean, God is my strength. My healer. My provider.

My rock. My shelter in times of trouble.

He is living water.

His love is enormous.

Yes, I doubt the atonement theory of the crucifixion. My conscious mind becomes frightened when I question orthodoxy, but apparently, my subconscious (spirit?) doesn’t have an issue with it.

04/7/14

From Animal Consciousness to God Consciousness

michelle and biddlesworthFirst of all, I know this post is weird. My mind runs around in all kinds of directions. This is the kind of thing that can happen to a person when she is working at home all day instead of being distracted by coworkers and work drama.

I want to tell you about the mind-meld that I (inadvertently) did with my cat Biddlesworth. Seriously.

For a few months, Biddlesworth would go absolutely nuts every time I put on my pajamas and got in bed. Before I got the idea of putting him in a time-out room when necessary, I would put up with his racing, jumping and clunking around until he wore himself out.

One night, I was particularly tired, and he Just. Wouldn’t. Stop. I must have lay in bed listening to him race around for 45 minutes before I drifted off. When I did, I had the most bizarre “dream.” In the dream, there were claws, the glee of torture and lots of lizard guts. The claws were mine. It was unlike anything else I had ever dreamed before — very, very real (and more gruesomely disgusting than words can convey).

I think, that in the semi-conscious delta wave state I was probably in, that I tapped into his little kitty consciousness. When I considered that, I was alarmed. Really? THIS is what goes through my little furry kitty’s mind?

After waking up from that five minute interlude of altered consciousness, I felt a bit uncomfortable when Biddlesworth climbed up on the bed and snuggled next to me. Then I deliberately put what had happened out of mind, at least for the time being.

I think of God as consciousness. You know how people say hell is separation from God? And that God can’t be around evil? Well, it makes sense, in a way. I am too uncomfortable with my kitty’s consciousness to ever want to mind-meld with him again. I can see how it would be the same way with God. I mean, if I’m a selfish jerk to people, God is probably not going to want to connect with me. If He does, he might feel that same shuddery ickiness that I did after the kitty incident.

So to be part of God consciousness — what I think of as the Kingdom of Heaven — I have to BE God consciousness. Not killer kitty consciousness, or selfish jerk consciousness, or whatever. Living and walking in LOVE is God consciousness, at least the way I see it.

A simpler way to say this is that it is probably a good idea to raise our vibe so that we can tune into the channel that we want to participate in. I mean, personally, I’d rather be hanging out on channel 95 listening to an amazing jazz concert than watching the horror movie on channel 3 or the low-budget game show on channel 15. Or, in the case of Biddlesworth, whatever channel Animal Planet is on.

Another thing. Do I know anything? Maybe yes, maybe no. And I don’t trust anyone who says they are certain about it all. I feel like I am a blind person grasping on to an elephant’s tail and thinking I’ve found a snake. No, make that a blind person grabbing on to a hair on the elephant’s tail. Maybe.

So what I wrote may or may not have a grain of truth in it. You’ll have to decide.

03/13/14

Maybe Heaven Isn’t What You Think It Is

the kingdom of heaven“Our Father, who art in heaven.”

I’ve spent some time thinking about these words lately. Like the word “our.” OUR father. All of humanity belongs to God, not just a select few. Or “Father.” That we have the DNA of the creator of the universe.

Last night, I was thinking about the words “in heaven.”

I don’t think one word of Jesus’ prayer is meaningless. So why would He say that our Father is in heaven? It sounds like, “Our Father, who art somewhere in the sky where we go when we die.” What would be the point of praying something like that?

What does “in heaven” mean?

I think it means an alternate reality. The true reality. What we see here is an illusion. The kingdom of God is at hand, is within us. It’s a kingdom we can see if we just become as little children.

Think about God as an ocean, with us being the fish.

The kingdom of heaven is at hand.

I really, really want to find the kingdom of heaven, and stay there. I’ve experienced it before. It’s a feeling of absolute peace, like you’re sitting in the palm of God’s hand, and no matter what happens, nothing external can bother you. Unfortunately, I seem to simply visit that place and then return fairly quickly to this plane.

I think part of the reason might be because I have this tendency to have to try to figure everything out. This is something that children don’t do. If a parent tells her child that she loves her, the child doesn’t question that. Children generally trust their parents.

Once a child becomes a teenager, though, the questions begin. So does concern about what other people think. A five-year-old doesn’t care if he’s wearing his brother’s hand-me-down shorts, but later, he’ll want to go to Abercrombie and Fitch. And when was the last time you saw a teenager clapping hands and singing at the top of her lungs in the car? It’s like they’ve left something crucial behind.

It seems like everything that the child leaves behind is what we need to seek in order to enter the kingdom of God.

Trust.

Innocence.

Lack of concern about social standing.

Knowing the reality of unconditional love.

There is not a formula for reaching the kingdom of heaven, though, other than “Seek, and you shall find.” Or, “Ask, and you shall receive.” And I believe that we must seek and ask with our whole being, and not half-heartedly. Like we would sell everything we own for that priceless pearl. Everything.

The cool thing about God being “in heaven” is that He’s always here. We just need to open our eyes. I think there’s a reason why Jesus kept healing blind people. Sure, they needed to see, but why are those stories in particular told when the apostle John tells us that “the world itself could not contain the books that would be written” if he were to tell us of all the things Jesus did.

I think the reason Jesus healed the blind was to show us that we need to open our eyes.

There is a reality where you are okay, no matter what happens.

Where there is no hate.

No worry.

Where every single person walking on the planet is one of God’s beloved, and you can see that.

I LOVE just thinking about this.